Assignment 4: Persuasive Paper Part 2: Solution and Advantages

Assignment 4: Persuasive Paper Part 2: Solution and Advantages

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Peer reviews should provide feedback to a peer on the criteria expected in the paper. Follow these instructions:

•     Receive a classmate’s paper from your professor (in class if on-ground; by e-mail if online).

•     Copy the Peer Review Feedback Form from the Appendix.

•     Comment on all criteria, noting strengths and / or areas for improvement on the feedback form.

•     Provide completed Peer Review Feedback Form and classmate’s paper to your professor.

Note: On-ground students should submit the feedback form and paper to the professor during the class meeting in which the paper is reviewed; online students should submit the feedback form and paper to the professor via the Assignment Tab in the course shell.

Criteria	+ Strengths	Comments < Areas for Improvement
Part 1
1. Revise, using feedback from the professor and classmates, your Persuasive Paper Part I - A Problem Exists.		The problem has been emphasized but there is lack of transition which is needed to smoothly take the reader from the starting point of the essay into the realm of the problem. And this is due to the undue prolonging of the introductory paragraph. The introduction along with the problem statement must be brief and concise in this regard.
Part 2
2. Included a defensible, relevant thesis statement clearly in the first paragraph.		A strong thesis statement is missing in the first paragraph and for the readers it is difficult to identify one in the first paragraph also because too much stress has been given on both the problem and solution. A concrete and concise thesis statement must be incorporated within the first paragraph.
3. Explain a detailed, viable solution that supports your thesis. This should be one or two (1-2) paragraphs.	Viable solutions have been detailed in paragraphs succeeding the introductory paragraph and proper evidences to justify the viability have also been provided.
4. State, explain, and support the first advantage (economic, social, political, environmental, social, equitable, ethical/moral, etc.) to your solution. This should be one or two (1-2) paragraphs.		Thorough changes have to be made as there is no indication of the existence of separate arenas of advantages. The discussion has been too generic and the writer needs to incorporate valid information to exemplify the advantages in respect of aspects like society, economy, ethics, politics, etc.
5. State, explain, and support the second advantage (economic, social, political, environmental, social, equitable, ethical/moral, etc.) to your solution. This should be one or two (1-2) paragraphs.		Thorough changes have to be made as there is no indication of the existence of separate arenas of advantages. The discussion has been too generic and the writer needs to incorporate valid information to exemplify the advantages in respect of aspects like society, economy, ethics, politics, etc.
6. State, explain, and support the third (and fourth if desired) advantage (economic, social, political, environment, social, equitable, ethical/moral, etc.) to your solution. This should be one or two (1-2) paragraphs.		Some hints on ethical theories have been given but it is not at all sufficient and the discussion has to be restructured and stark separation of aspects must be infused to make the readers understand whether the advantages are of social, political, economic, ethical, or environmental in nature.
7. Use effective transitional words, phrases, and sentences.		The entire paper is lacking effective transitional words and the writer has to emphasize on the need of such usage and the writer has to incorporate such transitional words to ensure a coherent structure and a logical flow.
8. Provide a concluding paragraph /transitional paragraph that summarizes the proposed solution and its advantages.		The writer has failed to restate the issue and the problem (as there is no mentioning of mobile phone’s detrimental uses) in the concluding paragraph and that is the reason why the conclusion seems ineffective.
9. Develop a coherently structured paper with an introduction, body, and conclusion.		There is lack of coherency despite the fact that the paper is divided into several paragraphs. The introductory part should be rectified and the thesis statement should be made clearer.
10. Use one or more rhetorical strategies (ethos, logos, pathos) to explain advantages.		In the paper the writer has not infused any kind of rhetorical strategies and that is why the paper doesn’t seems so much appealing. It has neither appealed to the reader’s emotions or logic, and the writer has also failed to establish his own authority and credibility.
11. Support advantage claims with at least three (3) additional quality relevant references. Use at least six (6) total for Parts 1 & 2.		The referencing style seems erroneous and it has not adhered to academic referencing formats like APA, MLA, etc.
12. Other		The writer needs to be more persuasive so that the problem seems a definite problem to the readers and the readers start paying attention to the writer’s recommended solutions. The paper lacks rhetorical strategies, coherency, and a logical progression.